On all I really need.

(This is another excerpt from my paper journal, written on the deck of my lovely little boat, which, once I found the blasted thing, was an absolutely fantastic time, by the way.)


"When I get lonely these days, I think: so BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loniliness. make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience!"


I loved that.


The funny thing is though, I'm not really lonely anymore. At least, not in the way I think of loneliness. Not like those last few days in Spain before mom came and rescued me. I'm alone, sure... but lonely? Not really. Truthfully I'd probably turn down any offers of company right now, as I kind of already have. It's kind of fluff company anyway. I mean logically, I probably should be. I'm sitting here lounging on the deck of my little boat as it's docked in the Antwerp harbor, which once I was without my suitcase was really quite adorable. I'm even warming to cobblestones again. The sun is setting and the breaze is gentle and the harbor lights are refelcting awfully expressionistically off of the water and every person sitting out here is paired off in a couple or in a merry sort of big group. I can't see a single soul by themselves, except me.


But quite honestly... that's kind of fine with me right now.

That has to be proof positive that I'm changing, right? There's no way I could have written that sentence three weeks ago.


After dinner I had my day bag with my i-Pod, my Palm Pilot, the lovely Liz Gilbert book, my sketchbook, this journal, and my favorite pen... and I thought to myself, "ok, I need my box of chocolates, and a sweater."


And then it hit me that that's pretty much all I need right now. Chocolate, a sweater, and the contents of my little bag. And that's pretty much been my night, here in this lounge chair, and I've been as happy as a clam... and I guess clams really must be happy old souls for that expression to have lasted so long.


So I think I'm making progress. And plus, I'm doing nothing here, and pretty much loving it, so I guess I'm sort of killing to stones with one bird. (That one was for you, Lea.)

All in all, this boat has turned out to be a great thing, despite my awful little adventure. To quote my new favorite book, "Because God never slams a door in your face withought opening a box of Girl Scout cookies."